Celebrating Failure

Assignment 26A

1. One thing that I attempted to do this semester was reduce my caffeine dependence. I work at Starbucks, which makes doing this 10 times harder because it it like being in a candy store surrounding by candy but being unable to eat it. I decided I wanted to try this because I realized my body was becoming dependent on coffee. I am also mainly an opener at Starbucks, meaning I am usually up at 4 AM to be at work at 4:30 AM until 12 PM. My shifts usually fly by because we are busiest in the morning, however, that is not without the help of my fuel--coffee. Not to mention, I have to drink coffee all throughout my day because after work I go to class until around 6 PM and need the energy to stay awake and conscious throughout the classes. Not only this, but I also have to tend to homework all night because I was busy all day. All this being said, I drink an average of shots of espresso by 12 PM, and then I consume an additional average of 400mg of caffeine through energy drinks and iced coffee throughout the day to stay awake. I hardly sleep, and the days that I do get to sleep in (although very rare), I wake up with massive headaches due to no caffeine. I tried reducing my intake for a week, to a max of two shots in the morning and less than 200 mg throughout the rest of the day, and although it was tolerable, I was miserable. I was sleepless, irritable, and suffered from horrible headaches and even shaking. I gave up in March, however, I told a teacher about my dependence and she recommended I try again, and I did. This time, I lasted two weeks without coffee, however, the withdrawal symptoms were the same. I am currently planning on reducing my intake yet again, however, I fear that as finals come around, I will be tempted by my need for fuel. 

 I've learned that failing is hard and that it takes a toll on your mental health. I've beaten myself up countless times for not being strong enough to beat my dependence, however, my circumstances (my job, heavy schedule) make it feel like it is impossible to quit. However, I am determined to reduce my intake. If I did it for two weeks, I can do it for three, and so on. Although failure has disappointed me, it has taught me that I am capable more each time than I thought I was. This class has taught me much about failure. As my peers critique my work, I am able to see where I went wrong and what I can do to improve next time. I have applied this to my personal life. I see where I went wrong in my caffeine abstinence so that I am able to address it in my next attempt.